There are fights with your boyfriend. And then there are fights with your boyfriend. You know, the ones that make you cry, scream, throw things, and curse his mother for ever giving birth to such a scum sucking dickhead. Although these fights often seem unsolvable, all you need is your inner-zen, perseverance, and patience to move past them. Here’s some advice on how to makeup after a big blowout fight.
1. Give each other space
Whether it’s an hour or a day, you need time to cool off. When tensions are running too high in a fight, there’s no finding a resolution and you’re likely to say something that you don’t truly mean that you won’t be able to take back. Tell your significant other that you need some time alone to gather your thoughts and return to the issue when you both aren’t clouded with red rage.
While giving each other space, think about what the basis of the fight is really about. Ask yourself what you’re really fighting about? Is it even worth the trouble of a full out argument? Do you need to just sit and talk about the issues? Or can you two just apologize and move forward? Don’t skip this step even if you think you’re right! Self-reflection is key to moving forward after a fight. And sometimes your dumb ass overthinks thinks and overreacts to silly little shit.
3. Sit down and talk it out
Sit down with no distractions, no TV, no cell-phones, and talk about the problem. Make ground rules: no yelling, no name-calling, and no talking over one another. Be patient. Stand your ground. But most importantly, listen to what the other person has to say! Use all that zen and knowledge you gathered during self-reflection to help navigate through the disagreement and toward a consensus. A lack in communication will create more arguments than you can imagine.
4. Wrap it up
When the conversation starts coming to a close, it’s time to wrap it up and move forward. There may be call for an apology somewhere at this point. Maybe there’s a “meet in the middle” type of conclusion. Maybe new boundaries are set.
No matter what, before ending your talk, make sure you say everything that you need and want to. In other words, don’t leave anything unsaid. Put it all on the table. Be truly ready to move past (or work on) the issue that sparked the fight. Don’t just spit out an apology as a means to put the issue to rest if you’re not fully satisfied with the conclusion you’ve come to.
5. Kiss it out
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If you both are over the argument and came to agreeable solutions, then MAKEOUT and get on even better terms than when you started.
Extra tip: Post-argument gifts are the best. Give bae a little something something the day after your fight to show them your love and gratitude. Just don’t use a gift as a means of getting over the problem.
Fighting in any relationship is completely normal and healthy. However, if it becomes an everyday thing, something is obviously wrong in your relationship and you’ve got to figure that shit out before you get to Splitsville.