Newsflash: Loving someone does not always mean you should be in a relationship with that person. Now there’s something they don’t tell you in the fairytales. Sometimes love doesn’t come with respect. Sometimes it doesn’t come with laughter. Sometimes it doesn’t fit into your family the way you would like it to. Right now, you might be considering getting back with your ex. Here’s a little something for your heartbroken self to remember: You don’t need a partner and you definitely don’t need the wrong partner. To ensure your happiness, ask yourself these five questions before you get back together with your ex.
1. Are you just lonely?
There’s no doubt that you’re going to feel lonely after a breakup. You’ve gone from sharing your days with someone to sharing your days with… yourself…and probably your dog or cat or whatever little creature is so fortunate to find themselves in your heartbroken presence. Loneliness hurts, but don’t panic. Trust in the loneliness. It’s temporary and necessary. Instead of getting back with your ex, get involved in some group activity, whether it’s a yoga, painting, Zumba, or barre class. Your ex is not the cure to your loneliness, you are!
2. If it didn’t work then, will it work now?
Try and be honest with yourself. Are you going back to something that’s just going to cause you more headaches and sadness? Will things really be different this time? By getting back together with your ex, are you simply prolonging the inevitable (and final) breakup? Helpful tip: Make a list of the reasons why you broke up in the first place. This can help to remind yourself why everything happened the way it did.
3. Are you settling?
You may never find your perfect, ideal somebody, but in getting back with your ex, are you settling? Are you accepting less than you want or deserve? Are you comprising something that is important to you? Will these compromises make you happy in the end? Think long and hard about these questions. Sleep on them. Meditate on them. Talk them over with your friends. Even talk them over with your mom. Your happiness is more important than having a “label”.
4. Has he truly changed?
So let’s say you and your ex broke up for a particular reason having to do with who he is or something he did. Now in the aftermath of the breakup, he may be telling you that he’s different now or that he’s grown up. But has he really changed or is he just a good actor? Does he mean what he says or is he just telling you what you want to hear? I’m probably going to burst your bubble right now, but I have to say it. You can never ever change someone. They can only change themselves. That being said, maybe he has changed but maybe he really hasn’t and is just filling you with false hope. Only time can tell if he’s truly changed.
5. Do you actually want to be with your ex or do you just want to be with someone?
It’s perfectly normal to gravitate back to your ex just because you miss being in a relationship. It takes a lot of willpower (and the help of some feisty best friends) to keep your distance and remind yourself of why you and your ex aren’t together anymore. Your ex is not the only guy in the world. The right man is coming, just be patient and focus on yourself in the meantime.
Love is hard. Breakups are harder. But getting over your ex is the hardest. We’ve all been there before. While you wait for the loneliness and sadness from the breakup to subside, keep doing what is best for you and your wellbeing. Be honest with yourself and be strong. If in a two or three months you still think your ex is the one for you, revisit the idea of getting back together… but make sure you ask yourself these 5 questions first!