Getting dumped sucks. It speaks to our human fear of rejection and hits the deep, sad place in us that tells us that we’re not worthy of love.
Although it takes hard work to get past that embarrassed, heartbroken feeling of getting dumped, we are totally capable of becoming a fresh and more confident version of ourselves. Don’t let someone dumping you derail your self-esteem.
1. Don’t Question, Compare, or Doubt
The first thing our minds jump to when getting dumped by a lover include:
- I have flaws in my character.
- Other people are smarter/prettier/sexier/richer/nicer than me.
- Nobody will ever love me again.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but the first two are true – you are not perfect and other people are different than you and have special talents that exceed yours in some ways. However, you must flip your thinking on the third thought. You are worthy of love just by the fact that you are alive and nobody – especially yourself – should make you feel any different. You must put your irrational thoughts behind you in order to do the real work of gaining confidence after being on the receiving end of a breakup.
Ask yourself, is this true? If it is true, is it important? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, just drop the subject with yourself and move on. If you’re having trouble doing this on your own, consider finding a therapist who can work through those thoughts with you and give you strategies to overcome them.
2. Take Care of Yourself
When you get dumped, it’s easy to let yourself wallow with ice cream, pajamas, and too much wine, just like they do in the movies. However, if you want to gain confidence in yourself, a great strategy is to ditch the wallowing when you’re ready and start building a life that feels good to you, your mind, and body.
Eat food that nourishes your body, not just your emotional craving. Get enough sleep and swap your coffee and soda for water. Practice mindfulness and do exercise that you enjoy. Connect with other people who care about your wellbeing. All of these practices will help you regain the confidence that seemed elusive after being dumped.
3. Do Things that Scare You
Prove to yourself that you are capable of anything. Go on a trip completely alone. Turn off your cell phone for a day. Take that boxing class that you were always afraid to take. You could even go bigger – apply to an academic program that speaks to your life dreams. Tell someone your true feelings. Write that book, join that competition, live your truth.
Once you do those things, you will forget that you ever lacked confidence in the first place. Focus on creating an amazing life for yourself and the rest will follow.
If you focus on these three strategies for becoming confident after being dumped, your self-love will be through the roof. See some of our other articles for tips on taking on the dating world again once you’re ready.