Bedroom Talk

Yes, You CAN Lie About Your “Number”

If you’re reading this and you don’t know what “your number” means, we recommend you stop reading now or else you’re going to get sucked into this quantitative way of thinking like the rest of us. Whether we learned about the number when we were in middle school or high school, we began counting right away. Now we are conditioned, constantly tallying up our bed mates, turning them into numbers that somehow, when added together, equal whether we’ve “been around” or not. Ugh.

First of All, This Number System is Flawed.

Why? Because your number is no way reflective of your sexual experience. You may have slept with one guy a million times, and your number would only be 1. On the other hand, you may have slept with ten guys, making your number a full two hands, but you may have only slept with each of those guys once. And in this case, your number being 10 seems a little disproportionate to the amount of sex you’ve actually had.

Get what I’m saying? Your number says very little about your actual sexual experience or expertise. Yes, your number can give someone an idea of the amount of faces that have seen you naked, but it doesn’t account for how many times those faces saw you naked.

Here’s the Secret

Okay, so now that you see how incredibly flawed the “number” system is, we’re going to let you in on a little secret. If you start talking to someone new, they may ask what your number is, and then you’ll cringe slightly, because well…mental math, but also because you really don’t feel like explaining all the intricacies and exceptions (ifs ands and buts) of your number. Well, we have a secret that no one else has the balls to tell you: You CAN lie about your number. Gasp! We know.

Although we’re all for honesty in relationships, your number is not about your relationship. It’s about you, and so your number isn’t anyone’s business except yours (and even that is debatable, as you’ll see). If this fact alone isn’t enough to convince you that you can adjust your number however you’d like, here are some other reasons why you can lie about your number.

1. You are Not Your Number.

Because of what we’ve been told, millennials often see their numbers as a reflection of who they are, a goody-two-shoes or a slut. Take the movie “What’s your number?” for example. Someone’s number can literally drive them crazy. But here’s the thing: your number does not define who you are or where you’ve been. You never have to look at yourself through the lens of how many people you’ve slept with.

2. Let’s Face it: Not all of Them Count

Many of us have had the experience of sleeping with someone and thinking, “Well that was a waste.” When this thought crossed your mind, you were most likely referring to a waste in a number notch on your list. Well, guess what? That person who you “wasted” that number on no longer has to be on your list.

To deny that the physical act with them ever happened would be unhealthy, but to consciously choose whether or not to consider the event or person worthy of your number is, by all means, your decision. That being said, if you want to count every person you’ve slept with on your list, do it. But likewise, if you don’t want to count that late night mistake or disappointing hookup, don’t. It’s up to you.

3. Quality Over Quantity is What Matters

Quality over quantity, always. And quality, in this case, refers to emotional connection. Like we said earlier, the quantitative system is flawed, but maybe our “number” would matter more if, instead of counting how many people we’ve slept with, we counted how many people we’ve loved. Maybe then, and only then, our number would really matter.

So there is our secret to you, one that we hope saves you from being ashamed of or going crazy over some stupid number. You CAN lie about it if you’d like. Or if you want, you can go a step further…

…and stop counting your number altogether.

Why? Because instead of defining yourself by the AMOUNT of people you’ve been with or even by the quality of those people, we encourage you to define yourself by who you are! And let me tell you this: refusing to be defined by a number that you’re “supposed” to be keeping track of (like it’s your age or something) is defiant, liberating and powerful.


Take our advice: leave the math at home and enjoy a number free sex life!

A Massachusetts native who fell in love with New York City. Writer of poetry and short stories. Wannabe philosopher. Obsessed with red wine, chocolate covered strawberries and thinking about the universe. Dedicated to healthy eating and conscious living.

Check out her personal site for more!


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